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An Amanda living on the coast of Sunny Southern California. I enjoy: creating; destroying; beautiful things; and equally, the disturbing.

"Some women are
lost in the fire.
Some women are
built from it."
— 1 day ago with 90546 notes




Artem Ovcharenko - Большой балет (Grand Ballet) photoshoot


I’m just… overwhelmed

— 1 day ago with 1967 notes
#male  #dancer 

I feel sick

Aside from that
I wish i could imagine a birthday party i would enjoy.
For one thing, im poor as dirt- grew up poor as dirt- and will likely die just as poor.
I just get so anxious at the thought of having to deal with everyone and everything all at once

My idea of a perfect day, and i know it sounds lame- sad even, but it’s not: solitude.. like, i feel so happy when im alone all day in the house (which is rare)
A whole day without my mom in my ear.. or having to worry about friends i really can’t trust

Everything tends to be just such a pain
-literally a physical pain. Either in my chest while i continue to observe and question my tolerance and kindness while secretly seething and keeping a careful eye on my back.
- Headaches after lengthy social interactions, or simply having had my thoughts centered too long on interests completely outside my own.
-Anxiety while i feel time is spoiling, spent basically faking everything!

I don’t want to smile, but it makes me
Even if i don’t mean the smile, it is there!
I can’t stop it and most of the time am beside myself while it happens

Watching everything
And i always wonder why i can’t help but act like i’m stupid.

— 1 day ago
#alter  #ego  #solitude  #personal  #birthday  #fuck